Thank you and Sir R is taking over 'cause we are just plain troublesome

i don't know if i could ever glance the homework.
i don't know if i am able to get it done before Monday.
i don't know what else i have to bring back my interest in Maths.
i don't know when i have to see her in class again, i could give my full concentration.
i won't ask anything again, no more.
i am sorry if i have to fake myself so that it won't be so obvious.
i am sorry i didnt look up when you called my name because i was so so dissapointed with you. i was hoping that you could clear my stupid confusion, but i got 'pemalas' as one of the rewards. wow i was really taken aback and you, you said it right under my nose. you did show me on the board but you got mad when i still blur. i know the shit about Integration, i know P1. it's not that i dont have any ideas about it, I JUST WANT YOU TO SHOW ME CAREFULLY HOW YOU GET THAT 1/2. was it so hard to repeat your teachings? even Sir Z does that A LOT of time. and i learned one thing, maybe i should just pretend to understand and find my own way out. better continue to live in my closed cocoon 'cause only by that way i won't get hurt. my query was really troublesome for you isnt it? maybe i shoudn't put myself before anything else. so i am putting myself at the end of the longest tunnel so that everyone will be happy. just so you know, i was dealing with 2 most hardest things. first, i was TRYING SO HARD to see it as my vision is not clear though i already wear glasses and i made a move and sat in the front-est row. guess my power has increased. second thing, trying to cope with your teaching speed. thats damn hard. i am learning, so you are. i make mistakes throughout this bumpy journey and you are here to teach, rectify and continue teaching. people tend to forget. i always do too.
i am sorry that my stupid confusion made you burst everything out.
i can't help bearing this bad feelings.
i got pissed off whenver i see MATHEMATICS.

a really bad feelings. a feeling when you got so angry that you just want to scream, but you can't. a feeling that spreads across your heart like a poison stabbing in your throat. it's like as if you could feel the evil feeling starts to cover your heart and i don't like that. i dont like keeping this feeling. this anger, this dissapointment. and i can't. you teach me and i am keeping a bad feeling towards you. that's not right. all i could do is to let time heals this drama. to let time shake this feeling off of me.



p/s i didnt say you chose to be one, but just don't whine. don't let you emotions get control of you expecially not in front of your students. a professional takes career and emotions as two different things that can never be mixed.