since i stepped my feet here, everything changed so fast. we stumbled, a lot. the guilt seems so grave than i could bear that at one point, i couldn't find myself back. i longed for the innocent teen age. losing the teen age could be a cruel thing to me. everyday i pray to Allah to open the door of repent to me before it's too late. before my soul is being taken from this weak body. before death comes before me. before i take my last breath. i believe Allah is listening to my prayers. when the guilt and sins keep piling up, i fell down prostrated on my praying mat. hoping hard He will forgive me and you. praying in tears of regret, hoping for Your mercy. i know i have not been a good slave all these while. when the moment hit, it hit me more that ever. that time i know He wants to show me something. He's giving me time to repent and stop committing sins again and again. and if you didn't come into my life, i wouldn't be much of a thinker. i wouldn't have reflected myself much. i would have kept secret that it sparked a tiny bit of inferiority in me since i joined and why i had hard time deciding.
when the battle is up, i ALWAYS failed to push it away. i know i'm lacking of one thing. strength.
dearest you,
all these while you have been one of the sweetest things in my life. everything i ever said to you, did to you everything was from me. it's like i want two different things that lead to two different routes. i want to get out from this mess and i know you do too. we both do. i know we've been talking about this many times but it didn't seem to work out so much isn't it?
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